My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
