Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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