I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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