I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
