i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
