Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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