If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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