I wannas sexs uuuuu
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
love makes seman taste better
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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