woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
