I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Your cock deserves a montage
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