went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
