i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
