I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
