he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
