3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
