how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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