dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
