is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
