Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
