well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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