he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Couch. On fire.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
