If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
