i think my mom watched the whole time
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
