we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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