I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
