So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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