whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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