at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
