why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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