My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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