no, he came in my armpit
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
