Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
