my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't deserve a penis
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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