the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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