A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
