I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
