Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
