you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
