Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
