Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
