I need help removing her.
Your dad touched me again.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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