I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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