no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
