apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
