the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
