Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
