grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
