I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
