When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
