this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
