I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
