Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
