Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
