I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
