he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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