dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
