last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
