party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
