bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
