I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
