are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
